A letter to Riley from Her Mum’s Eyes and Heart
Lovie,
Even before you were born, I knew you’d live a life of such COURAGE, that’s in essence why I chose your name “Riley”, because it meant “courage”. May be at the start you weren’t so sure what you were getting yourself into… I mean, you did wait six days past your due date, and took 14hrs when I was finally induced to make your debut. And, to top it off you decided to make your entry the most difficult way possible by being sunny-side up, instead of Sunnyside down. BUT all that pain I went through that day was so worth it. I was and am in love with you. That ring of fire they tell laboring mothers they must go through in childbirth isn’t a joke but I’d have done it again just to have you.
Riley, you changed me in so many ways you’ll never fully know. From an early age, I realized how special you were. Even from the baby stage I learned how gentle and concerned you were for others. One day at Hope Montessori, I learned from the teacher in the infant room just how sweet and innate your understanding of compassion was. You were one of the older infants in the room, she told me that you were so concerned about one of the younger babies who was just wailing and having a tough time and how you crawled over to them and tried your best to comfort them. It made me well up because you were just a baby yourself but you somehow knew and had courage to try to comfort others, that innate ability to recognize someone else’s needs and comfort them.
In kindergarten, it was the dad who came up to me at the parent-teacher night to tell me how much he appreciated how caring you were in that you would ALWAYS help his son (who learned differently than the rest of the class) who was struggling to keep up. You would raise your hand each time to get the teachers attention and tell her that he needed help. Again, you had this ability to show compassion and empathy towards others. As Mr. Rogers once said in an interview when quoting his mother, “Look for the helpers, you will always find people who are helping.” That, my love, is always YOU.
I could go on about how many times you’ve shown compassion towards your peers but that is not the only characteristic or quality you have shown that exemplifies who YOU ARE. You also have persistence and passion. If you really want something, you are determined to obtain it. Whether it’s perfecting your drawings or paintings, playing guitar, indoor skydiving or learning new tosses for color guard, you grab that bull by the horns and are all in and so determined!
Let’s talk about how you persistently asked me for nearly two years to get a tattoo and even coerced me into getting one together. My standard response was, I’ll think about it and then I’d hope you’d forget about it and move on. Nope, not you, instead you upped the ante. Chris had to challenge you, much to my dismay, to research the safety of getting a tattoo. Next thing I know, you are sharing a PowerPoint presentation on the safety and beauty of tattoos with me. I again tried to stave you off, but you continued to persist. One night, after a 12-hour shift, you came to me as I was climbing into bed, with sketchbook in hand, you opened the page to the most beautiful design and simply said, “I want to get this tattoo I designed with you, I designed this for us, what do you think?” I paused for a good minute or two (or more). In that time, I thought to myself, how do I say no? I couldn’t, after all, you are such an amazing daughter with qualities that I admire! So, I relented. I’ll never forget your excitement, when a few weeks later we went and got our matching tattoos. I may have razzed you a little for “forcing” your 48yr old mum to get her first tattoo. You know, Ryebread, I’m so happy I got it with you. Your quote below the art means so much to me. It simply says all I need to know right now, “Love yourself first”.
Lovie, I don’t know if you know how much I cherish all of our late-night talks. Sometimes, admittedly I’m beyond tired but I always feel better by having my nightly check-ins with you. So many deep and meaningful conversations to marvel over. I so appreciate the fact that you share so many intimate details of your teenage life and that you allow me to guide you and give you boundaries when it comes to those very real teenage struggles. I’m so honored to have a daughter like you that can be so vulnerable with me about those real struggles. I feel sorrow sometimes to know that there are times when you don’t feel good enough, but honey, you HAVE ALWAYS been more than ENOUGH.
Riley, I love that even at 17, you still sleep with your stuffies: Jelly, Cita and Loki. And that you still take one or two of them on trips. I love that you come into my room either because you don’t feel good and want to sleep in my bed or you just simply want to sleep in my bed just because. I love the pile of stuffies you bring with you and will keep them with me until I can pass them over to you.
Lovie, just know this: we will have our heart-to-heart talks when I see you again.
I love and miss you so much,
— “Mom-ther”
